"Focus On What You Can Control"

I think it’s strange. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s strange how many things we tend to worry about as human beings that we virtually have no control over.

It was almost two years ago when I was going through a pretty difficult time in my life. Knowing what I know now, it was quite silly. But we as humans learn through experience most of the time, so I had to go through it. I will spare you the details.

Anyways, so I am going through this “tough” time in my life and I received probably the best piece of advice I ever received.

“Focus On What You Can Control”

It’s only six words but it spoke a thousand to me. As I let it resonate, I got to thinking about how many things I let emotionally control me that I virtually have no control over.

To name a few:

• How other people feel about me

  • This is tough because you try to present yourself in a very authentic way.

  • What I learned with this is that everyone is responsible for their thoughts and emotions, so yeah, I can’t control it. I’ll let them be them.

• Sports (lol)

  • This was a big one for me. The Bucks, Packers, and Yankees took up so much of my emotional energy growing up.

  • It’s quite silly when you think of it. Like how in the world am I going to impact Aaron Judge hitting a home run, and then get upset about it when he strikes out? Like I said, lol.

• Other people’s actions

  • You may be helping a friend get in shape and showing them everything you know to help them.

  • That’s great, you can show them everything you know, but you can’t make them get up in the morning and consistently show up to the gym. That’s their responsibility.

Those are a few of many “uncontrollables”, as I like to call them. By understanding the “uncontrollables” and focusing on detaching my emotional state from them, I was able to notice the key aspects of my life I could control.

1. Work Ethic

This is such a tough phrase because it commonly gets connected with people just grinding in the gym or at work. But it goes much deeper than that, is what I have learned. Work ethic can be related to anything that you want.

Take a romantic relationship, for example. I haven’t had a successful one yet, and am probably the most unqualified to speak on this. But here is what I have noticed/learned. You can’t just rely on "Netflix and Chill" to keep the “spark” going in a relationship, it takes the little things that are unexpected. If they are having a bad day, surprise them with something they like. If you go on a trip with your friends, bring them back something to let them know they were on your mind.

What I am trying to get at is, go the extra mile. I have found that if I put in the effort for something, more than I would on an average day, I will have a higher chance of attaining my goals. And if I try my best and it still doesn’t work out, it’s likely out of my control. I will walk away knowing I gave it my best shot. Now, it does take effort, but you can’t only show effort half of the time.

2. Consistency

This takes a mix of discipline and motivation. Two very different things. But when fused together, can make you a dangerous individual (in a good way). If you want something bad enough, sure you can have the best work ethic in the world, but you have to use that work ethic consistently. Not just when you feel like it, or have the energy.

Take being in the gym for example. You’ve always been a skinnier guy, but you’re trying to put on some muscle mass. To grow, you have to show up day in and day out (with proper rest days intact, of course). Showing up is half of the battle. The real battle is won when you are showing up consistently on days that you really don’t feel like it or are “tired”.

Setting a consistent schedule is something that has always worked for me. When I was in high school or college, I would go after classes were out. Now, I have found what works for me is getting up and going before work for a few hours. It’s hard to show up on the days where I have gotten only a few hours of sleep. But I have found those are the days that I grow mentally and physically the most. Push yourself, but treat yourself right.

3. How you treat yourself

There was a quote I read the other day from The Inner Athlete by Dan Millman…

“Take a moment to appreciate your body; take a lifetime. There is no greater miracle in nature.”

It got me thinking. We have all been blessed with a body that is unique to everyone else. Our bodies may be the greatest form of artwork that there is. They can’t be duplicated, no matter how hard we try. We are who we are, and we should appreciate what we’ve been given.

Embrace your flaws and treat your body like the unique piece of art that it is. Because it’s a limited edition.

Take it or leave it, that’s what I have taught myself when it comes to focusing on what I can control. People suck, but let them suck on their own. Water and grow yourself through what you can control. Stay groovy.

-Vinny